#letsbefrank, guys don’t like doing most things.

There are however plenty of things we do love: scrubbing, eating, drinking and anything below the sheets- to be blunt.

But to save yourself some time, some dignity, and some romance, why not see my points below as constructive criticism: inspired by this, this is how to be the perfect friend, lover, girlfriend, wife.

We don’t like shopping with you. Not because it’s with you, but because it’s shopping. As a general rule, guys don’t dig wandering through a shopping mall. Their favourite part of the whole journey (and I say journey as it usually takes 6 hours), is when you stop at the food court. Leave him at home to play video games and treat him to a fashion show when you get home. He’ll like that, trust me.

We don’t like being your personal photographer. Not because you’re not beautiful, but because you want to have a photoshoot every five minutes. Trust me when I say it still happened even if Instagram didn’t see it.

Also, there’s this thing called the element of surprise. Like when we see your outfit for the first time, not 10 different angles before we pick you up.

Also x 2 – We know what your face looks like. Stop reminding us. We won’t forget you. We promise.

Also x 3 – we hate having this photo taken. It’s humiliating for both of us. Leave it to the guy and girl who started it. They’re the professionals.

We aren’t massive fans of kale. Okay, it’s good for you. But it kind of tastes like… nothing. If you want to eat it, that’s cool. But don’t make us eat it and please don’t put it in our desserts or make chips out of it. Chips are made from potatoes.

We don’t love watching you get ready, for hours. #letsbefrank, we’d rather you get ready for the shower, which takes no time at all. In all seriousness, you could wear a sack and be beautiful. Cut down your makeup/hair/outfit routine and you’ll have a happy other half. Alternatively, call us 5 minutes before you’re ready. Actually, when you’re ready, because we know you’ll change your mind.

We would rather not watch a romantic comedy. We love you, not Rachel McAdams. She’s cute and all, but she’s not you. You watch it, we’ll play on our laptops beside you and occasionally pat your head. Win, win.

We don’t think you’re fat, so you shouldn’t either.  Because we get confused about having to agree with you (you’re always right, right?)-  this could end very, very badly. So help us out.

Selfie Sticks. No.

To end on a good note, we do love scrubbing. It’s our favourite thing that you can do. Maybe it’s because we get to spend time together, or maybe it’s because you smell so good and feel smoother than ever. Whatever it is, keep doing that.

And on behalf of all men, stop doing everything else.

xx frank