Once upon a time, there was a babe in a bathroom.

She dreamt of a man to take care of her. Then I was created.

The end.

Okay hold up, here’s the middle part. And why I sat you down in the first place. Here’s how you get the happy ending that all babes want, with a little help from me.

Just add water, mermaid.

Because there are some scales you don’t want. My coffee body scrubs work better when you’re wet so get yourself in the shower. However you have me, just make sure you have some warm water involved too. The steam opens up your pores so your skin can soak up all my goodness.

I’m in it for the long haul, babe.

Soft, supple skin is a work in progress. My natural ingredients like ground and roasted Robusta coffee beans, brown sugar and sea salt will keep those flakeys away. Scrub 3-5 times per week to allow our love (and your skin) to blossom. Yay.

‘P’ is for puppy… and patience.

Leave my body scrub on for 2-3 minutes and then you’ll be as soft as a puppy. Beware: some people may want to cuddle you unexpectedly.

Let’s rinse you. Then rinse all around you.

Until you can hire a butler, you will need to do this yourself. Grab the shower head or watering can and rinse down the shower walls. Sorry babes, I tend to get excited and go everywhere.

Always hit second base.

After you scrub, you rub with my Body Balm or Body Cream. My body moisturisers are packed with essential oils and nourishing butters to make your skin as soft as butter. Yum.

You bring out the best in me babe, so I can bring out the best in you.

Because #letsbefrank the best relationships are messy ones.

And here’s my photo album to prove it.

x frank