Well boy am I blushing.

At the ripe old age of 18 months, I feel like I can say a thing or two about a thing or two. So I want to talk about the fakers out there. You know who you are.

Nescafe, milo, dirt, sand, mud. Think you can beat me at my game? Just try me. Literally.

I’ll be the first to admit that I wouldn’t mind bathing in a tub of Nesquick, but I’m unsure if it will help with smooth and soft skin. #letsbefrank

My mamas and papas worked hard to perfect my recipe, so that you babes wouldn’t just smell nice, but you’d look and feel nice, too. The result is skin good enough to eat (but please, don’t eat me.)

My roasted and ground robusta coffee blend scrubs away dry and tired skin.

Sugar and sea salt cleanse and clarify.

And finally, essential oils soothe, tone and moisturise.

Bet you can’t beat that, huh? Let’s look at those guys (and girl) who’ve tried:

A night in with @ethangotts. He soon found out only fresh coffee grinds (aka me) work on your skin.

I have always wanted a portrait drawn of me. Better still, a 7 second one on snapchat. @avss.m, your illustration skills are second to none.

Inspired by real man @chrisjohnmillington, this junior frankfurt, @gavinduh has the right idea. Almost.

@rach_robbo Oh babe, you tried.

@inevitablewaves gets plus five points for creativity, and minus ten for fake boobs. You know I like them natural, man.

Call it innovation or imitation, whatever you like.

I only have one piece of advice: leave it to me*.

*If you must try, be sure to show me @frank_bod #thefrankeffect

It’s nice for a scrub to laugh every now and then.