There are some big questions in life such as:

How did we get here?

Why was decaf coffee created?

And how did stretch marks make their way to your babe’n bod?

Important questions, yes. But given both of our attention spans, let’s go with stretch marks and what we can do about them.

Firstly, what are stretch marks?

Stretch marks come about when your skin stretches. *Ding* This can be from getting taller, a change in weight or perhaps you’ve welcomed a bub into the family. That’ll do it. As the skin stretches, elastin fibres can tear, and hello stretch marks.

So, what can you do about them?

1. Exfoliate.

Nudity makes everything better #letsbefrank. So jump into the shower and start exfoliating, babe. Scrub your bod in big circular motions with a natural exfoliator, like my coffee body scrubs. Exfoliation buffs away old, worn-out skin cells so your bod can replace them with new ones. It won’t zap your stretch marks into another universe, but it will make them look less visible. And, you’ll get to spend more time with me.

2. Coffee.

And I ain’t saying this because I’m made of coffee. Caffeine does a lot of heavy lifting for skin cells. Couple that with the gritty texture of coffee and you’ve got a natural exfoliator packed with stretch mark superpowers. I recommend leaving my body scrubs to sit on your skin for 2-3 minutes. This makes sure you get the most out of the caffeine. So your stretch marks will look less grumpy, just like you after a latte.

3. Hydrate.

Let’s make you as moist as mud cake, babe. Bad word, but a stretch mark saviour. Moisturise your bod with ingredients rich in hydration to cool redness and inflammation, while also evening out your skin tone.

4. Tan.

The only fake thing I enjoy. Smooth on fake tan to help your stretch marks blend in with the rest of your skin, so they won’t stand out. Scared of resembling an Oompa Loompa? I know how to keep you out of Willy Wonka. Get my tips on getting the realest fake tan here.

5. Laser beams.

Not sharks with laser beams, beauty clinics with laser beams. Some babes recommend this but #letsbefrank, they’re $$. Personally, I think your money is better spent on other things, like me and espresso martinis.

If else fails, remember: Beyoncé has stretch marks, too.

x frank